If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking or believing that big service has to mean big sacrifice (of what you value most), THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU.
I was actually uncharacteristically nervous to go live on my FB page when I first shared this last week, but I took a deep breath and did it ANYWAY because this ish is important.
You can watch / listen to the replay here, but I’m also going to write out the semi-quickie version here in the meantime because I want to make SURE this message reaches you.
It requires some context, so bear with me.
Almost three years ago, back in Hawaii and shortly after the birth of my second little guy Deacon, I had a bit of a breakdown over my breakfast.
We were at one of our fave spots on Oahu – Disney’s Aulani resort.
I was high on life, oxytocin, and tropical tradewinds, and yet there I was… ugly crying over the Mickey Mouse waffles.
It wasn’t even anything obvious or major that sparked it.
I had simply realized while discussing our Thanksgiving plans that (way) later that year our oldest son Bryson would turn FIVE.
(Yes, logically I KNEW that five comes after four, but for some reason at that particular moment in time, it hit me hard.)
I’d started my business a few years before that – when B was about 18 months old.
At that moment, I was overwhelmed by a flash flood of memories of his toddlerhood spent with my head in my laptop: “just one more email, bud…”
I thought – at least B had 18 months before I started my business – Dekie was practically born on a live webinar!
Before we go on, I want to be clear that there is NOTHING inherently wrong with working long hours as a parent.
Ex. My husband was (is) an amazing dad, even when he was under the sea on a submarine for months out of the year. Likely BECAUSE he was gone so much… he was ridiculously present and playful when he WAS home!
So this isn’t about shame or pride points. It’s about what’s true for us.
And at that moment I realized that the dynamic I’d created actually felt super out of alignment for ME.
It was important feedback.
Now – if I knew then what I’m learning NOW – I coulda shoulda woulda used that feedback as an opportunity to think on how I could incorporate both of my loves in my life (my inspired mission and my family) … and yet instead, on some level, I told myself (the lie) that I couldn’t have / be both.
I told myself I had to choose.
And with a preschooler by my side, a newborn in my arms, and a husband about to deploy on a submarine, early 2016 me made the choice to pretty much bench my business and shift most of my focus to family.
Needless to say, even though I didn’t consciously realize it at the time, that moment shifted how I showed up in my life and my business in a big way.
As you may or may not have noticed, I pretty much STOPPED showing up in my business / your inbox altogether!
And yet even though I was home “more” (especially as our “home” address changed from Hawaii to Texas)…. I wasn’t really here either.
Because authenticity is one of my highest values… and I wasn’t being authentic. (!!!)
(It’s worth noting here that from now on when I say “authentic” I mean something much deeper than “writing like you speak” – I mean “living in congruence with your actual values.” And I wasn’t.)
Yes I was HERE and less business-focused in THEORY… but not really.
Ask any ONE of my closest friends, fam, and dreamies who have been so patient with me throughout this process over the past few years.
In this funky space, I’ve never stopped thinking about business, my message, and my mission.
I felt confused and frustrated.
Instead of feeling guilt and shame over working too much, I started to feel guilt and shame over working too LITTLE.
Double U. Tee. EFF.
THANKFULLY, as I mentioned earlier – I’m finally finding my way outta this mess (and into a new, more aligned one ;)).
Here’s what I’m waking up to:
We don’t have to choose.
We DO, howev have to be honest (objective, realistic!) about what our ideal “both / and” lifestyle looks like.
And I mean SUPER honest. No judgment.
True love / gratitude / PRESENCE / fulfillment comes from unconditional acceptance of who we are and what we truly value. << learning this in a whole new context thanks to Dr. John Demartini, who I mention in the video.
Truth is: I don’t feel like mySELF when I don’t consistently prioritize moments of true presence with my kiddos. That’s where the mom guilt comes in (it’s feedback letting me know I’m out of alignment).
^^ examples of prioritizing moments of true presence: making an effort to welcome them at the door every day they get home from school. putting 1:1 lunch dates or school events on the calendar and planning work days around them. putting the phone away more. (not always… but more ;))
Likewise: I don’t feel like mySELF when I don’t consistently prioritize studying, teaching, sharing, and connecting with you. That’s where the biz guilt comes in (more valuable feedback).
^^ examples of prioritizing moments o’ mission: recording a FB live. connecting with my dreamies (past present and future) via Instagram stories. hiring support in my business so I can delegate my lower value tasks to brilliant people who LOVE to do them.
Years ago I wrote a post somewhere for my fellow entrepreneurial mamas:
“Some days we’ll work too much, some days we’ll play too much. As long as our work too much days pave the way for more play too much days, I think we’re headed in the right direction.”
Now I can see the flaw in that thinking.
Because I experimented heavily, for YEARS, with the “play too much” days and honestly, Clint Francis – on their own, they didn’t truly fulfill me either.
Fulfillment comes with congruency.
When we feel like “YES – today I showed up + gave the world what is uniquely mine to give. And (while that comes with its own challenges): I freaking loved it.”
THAT’S how I want to feel when my head hits the pillow each night (and ultimately, when my time in this life comes to an end).
Do you feel me?
Does this convo speak straight to your heart like it does to mine?
As you can probably feel by now: I’m obsessed with this conversation.
It’s driving a whole new offer that I quietly opened up last week.
(More about that in the video.)
Either way – since you’re still reading (+ I value your time ;)) I’d love to take this opportunity to say THANK YOU for sticking with me through the pendulum swings over the past few years.
There is so much goodness (realness) to come, and it’s an honor to be on the journey with you.
Don’t forget to come say hi / share ahas in the comments if you’ve got a sec.
Would love to hear if this sparks any ideas or inspo for you too.
P.S. If you’re feeling like you’re a bit (or a lot) out of whack with your own values right now – I hope you’ll watch the video and reach out to learn more about HOMEROOM. If it resonates, click here to tell me more about you + your business. I’d love the opportunity to support (and challenge!) you as you find your way back to YOU this year.